T.A.
I think it would be helpful for me to practice editing. I am not able to change things really well. I get too attached to what I write. So, I am going to edit my last free write.
An old man walks through a lush cluster of trees
And wonders how they grow with such mystical ease
A warm whisper he hears, or was it a thought
We trees can show you what men should be taught.
The shortly passed storm was not easy to take
The winds did howl and some branches did brake,
The rain fell hard and flooded our grounds,
But what would you do to turn trials around
We captured that water to strengthen our health
The branches we used and turned waste into wealth
We could be angry as most men we see are,
But we choose to welcome the life-giving scars
All men go through storms in a similar way,
But good men are those who can flourish through pain
It's easy for bad men to look good in the sun
But it’s the storms that define who’s lost and who’s won.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
free write
Free Write.
Good Moods or Good Men
An old man walks through a lush cluster of trees
And wonders how it flourishes with such mystical ease
At once a faint whisper he hears from breeze
If you wait just a moment, we can answer your pleas
The storm just yesterday was not easy to take
The wind did howl and some branches did brake,
The rain fell hard and flooded our grounds,
But what would you do to turn trials around
We captured that water to strengthen our health
The branches we used and turned waste into wealth
Yes, we could be angry as most men we see are,
But we choose to welcome the life-giving scars
All men go through storms in a similar way,
But what makes good men good is what they do with that day
It easy for bad men to look good in the sun
But it’s the storms that define who’s lost and who’s won.
Good Moods or Good Men
An old man walks through a lush cluster of trees
And wonders how it flourishes with such mystical ease
At once a faint whisper he hears from breeze
If you wait just a moment, we can answer your pleas
The storm just yesterday was not easy to take
The wind did howl and some branches did brake,
The rain fell hard and flooded our grounds,
But what would you do to turn trials around
We captured that water to strengthen our health
The branches we used and turned waste into wealth
Yes, we could be angry as most men we see are,
But we choose to welcome the life-giving scars
All men go through storms in a similar way,
But what makes good men good is what they do with that day
It easy for bad men to look good in the sun
But it’s the storms that define who’s lost and who’s won.
Monday, November 19, 2007
R.A.
R.A.
I am going to analyze my Paper on Sex Ed. In South Africa
First of all, I think that my essay is awesome. I was going for more of the Logos and Ethos approach, and barely touched on an appeal to emotion, since my audience was the African Governance. My introduction was slightly an appeal to emotion, because it talked about how a Government official lost his son to the HIV virus. Obviously thousands are affected by this virus every year, but using just one person, and being the son of a government official makes it an appeal to the emotions of the other government officials as well. I used a lot of research from journals, such as how many people in Africa compared to the rest of the world get HIV through sexual transmission. The flowing logic was that the African people individually were too afraid of talking about such a stigmatized subject to there children. There needed to be a outer control, the government, that would institute public programs that educated the population on the dangers and the precautions of HIV. To conclude I stated the enthymeme, which was Introducing South African children at an earlier age to sex education will decrease the spread of HIV because teaching children at an earlier age will increase awareness and prepare them to fight against conformities of having unsafe sex.
I am going to analyze my Paper on Sex Ed. In South Africa
First of all, I think that my essay is awesome. I was going for more of the Logos and Ethos approach, and barely touched on an appeal to emotion, since my audience was the African Governance. My introduction was slightly an appeal to emotion, because it talked about how a Government official lost his son to the HIV virus. Obviously thousands are affected by this virus every year, but using just one person, and being the son of a government official makes it an appeal to the emotions of the other government officials as well. I used a lot of research from journals, such as how many people in Africa compared to the rest of the world get HIV through sexual transmission. The flowing logic was that the African people individually were too afraid of talking about such a stigmatized subject to there children. There needed to be a outer control, the government, that would institute public programs that educated the population on the dangers and the precautions of HIV. To conclude I stated the enthymeme, which was Introducing South African children at an earlier age to sex education will decrease the spread of HIV because teaching children at an earlier age will increase awareness and prepare them to fight against conformities of having unsafe sex.
T.A.
I would like to practice clarity:
here is an experience I wrote to my family. I am going to make it more clear.
Recently I went to Jerusalem and had an incredible experience that I wanted to share with you all. I was struggling with a lot at the time (the good old struggles of life). We went to Galilee and spent nine days living on the shore, studying our scriptures and visiting the places that Christ visited. One of the first days we were there they drove us to Mt Arbel, which is the tallest mountain that is right on the edge of the sea. Because of these high hills and mountains surrounding Galilee there are extremely harsh winds that make is impossible to sail a small boat in the stormy seas. While I was on the mountain my mind turned to the time when Christ calmed the raging sea. "And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full. And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish? And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm." (Mark 4:37-39).
I had wondered if the lord cared how I was really struggling. I also wanted to ask him, "carest thou not that I perish." He seemed silent to me at the time, but there on the Mt Arbel I felt the Lord ask me to recall what I had gone through. I did. I thought of every doubt and struggle I had been going through, and one by one I felt his words resonate in my heart saying, "Peace be still." He can calm the raging tempest of our lives. He can also cause us to arise and walk, spiritually, like he did physically to the lame man. He can give us sight, and raise us from the dead. He is the great Healer. He must be for all of us. We must experience the healing power of the Savior. I now we can.
Edited version:
I recently went to Jerusalem and had an incredible experience. At the time, I was struggling with a lot (the good old struggles of life). We went to Galilee and spent nine days living on the shore, studying our scriptures and visiting the places that Christ visited. When we arrived, they drove us to Mt Arbel, the tallest mountain right on the edge of the sea. Because of these high hills and mountains surrounding Galilee there are extremely harsh winds that make is impossible to sail a small boat in the stormy seas. While I was on the mountain my mind turned to the time when Christ calmed the raging sea. "And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full. And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish? And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm." (Mark 4:37-39).
I had wondered if the lord cared that I was really struggling. I wanted to ask him, "carest thou not that [I] perish." He seemed silent to me at the time, but there on the Mt Arbel I felt the Lord ask me to recall what I had gone through. I did. I thought of every doubt and struggle I had been going through, and one by one I felt his words resonate in my heart saying, "Peace be still." He can calm the raging tempest of our lives. He can also cause us to arise and walk, spiritually, like he did physically to the lame man. He can give us sight, and raise us from the dead. He is the great Healer. He must be for all of us. We must experience the healing power of the Savior. I now we can.
here is an experience I wrote to my family. I am going to make it more clear.
Recently I went to Jerusalem and had an incredible experience that I wanted to share with you all. I was struggling with a lot at the time (the good old struggles of life). We went to Galilee and spent nine days living on the shore, studying our scriptures and visiting the places that Christ visited. One of the first days we were there they drove us to Mt Arbel, which is the tallest mountain that is right on the edge of the sea. Because of these high hills and mountains surrounding Galilee there are extremely harsh winds that make is impossible to sail a small boat in the stormy seas. While I was on the mountain my mind turned to the time when Christ calmed the raging sea. "And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full. And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish? And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm." (Mark 4:37-39).
I had wondered if the lord cared how I was really struggling. I also wanted to ask him, "carest thou not that I perish." He seemed silent to me at the time, but there on the Mt Arbel I felt the Lord ask me to recall what I had gone through. I did. I thought of every doubt and struggle I had been going through, and one by one I felt his words resonate in my heart saying, "Peace be still." He can calm the raging tempest of our lives. He can also cause us to arise and walk, spiritually, like he did physically to the lame man. He can give us sight, and raise us from the dead. He is the great Healer. He must be for all of us. We must experience the healing power of the Savior. I now we can.
Edited version:
I recently went to Jerusalem and had an incredible experience. At the time, I was struggling with a lot (the good old struggles of life). We went to Galilee and spent nine days living on the shore, studying our scriptures and visiting the places that Christ visited. When we arrived, they drove us to Mt Arbel, the tallest mountain right on the edge of the sea. Because of these high hills and mountains surrounding Galilee there are extremely harsh winds that make is impossible to sail a small boat in the stormy seas. While I was on the mountain my mind turned to the time when Christ calmed the raging sea. "And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full. And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish? And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm." (Mark 4:37-39).
I had wondered if the lord cared that I was really struggling. I wanted to ask him, "carest thou not that [I] perish." He seemed silent to me at the time, but there on the Mt Arbel I felt the Lord ask me to recall what I had gone through. I did. I thought of every doubt and struggle I had been going through, and one by one I felt his words resonate in my heart saying, "Peace be still." He can calm the raging tempest of our lives. He can also cause us to arise and walk, spiritually, like he did physically to the lame man. He can give us sight, and raise us from the dead. He is the great Healer. He must be for all of us. We must experience the healing power of the Savior. I now we can.
Free Write
I like intense people. Maybe that is because I am intense too. What is an intense person? It is someone that tends to think deeper or more often about people, or things, than most people. I know people who are just fine with how life is, and don't really need to explore certain realms of reality. They are just dandy picking daisies. But, then there are other people that I know that can't help but search for things that could possibly be more beautiful than a daisy. Thoughts. They like to pick people's thoughts until they have come away with a beautiful bouquet of unexplored opinions and ideas. It seems like they push themselves more than the average person to become better. It is true that the intense person usually has deeper lows than the average shmoa, but they are the ones that take a hit for the team, because they elevate those around them more than others. Why do I consider myself an intense person? Because I know that I am different. I know what I am capable of, and how far I am willing to go. It feels weird to write those things. I don't think that being intense all the time is very healthy. In fact, it will drive you crazy if you are. I write about this because I want to develop a better understanding of who I am, why I am, and when I am. Learning who I am is essential in my progression to becoming someone more. Knowing why I am helps me to more quickly escalate to higher levels of motivation and purpose. Knowing when I am the way I want to be, and the way I don't want to be helps me better channel the direction I want to consistently be going.
Friday, November 16, 2007
T.A.
I would like to practice the steps of revision: I will do this on one of the papers I’ve written.
One of the problems with my paper is that I am mentioning a problem with my own argument in the paper. This was supposed to be a good thing. I was trying to bring up counter arguments so that I could create credibility by showing how their argument didn’t hold water after all. Regretfully, it didn’t come across that way, I just seemed to have weakend my own argument. Secondly, I created one argument that wasn’t very strong, and seemed a little naïve. I was thinking of doing more research to better my argument, but instead I think that I am just going to cut it out completely. I don’t think it is salvageable.
I think I could also just tighten up my presentation, through reworking my wording and bettering my order. I actually hadn’t thought of looking through my essay for fixing the order of presentation. Also, in regards to reworking it, I will read it and watch for clarity, emphasis, tone, etc. I think I kepted a good tone, but my voice seems a little muffled; by that I mean that my points are just underdeveloped. That is a major thing I want to work on, developing my points. This will probably require some extra research.
One of the problems with my paper is that I am mentioning a problem with my own argument in the paper. This was supposed to be a good thing. I was trying to bring up counter arguments so that I could create credibility by showing how their argument didn’t hold water after all. Regretfully, it didn’t come across that way, I just seemed to have weakend my own argument. Secondly, I created one argument that wasn’t very strong, and seemed a little naïve. I was thinking of doing more research to better my argument, but instead I think that I am just going to cut it out completely. I don’t think it is salvageable.
I think I could also just tighten up my presentation, through reworking my wording and bettering my order. I actually hadn’t thought of looking through my essay for fixing the order of presentation. Also, in regards to reworking it, I will read it and watch for clarity, emphasis, tone, etc. I think I kepted a good tone, but my voice seems a little muffled; by that I mean that my points are just underdeveloped. That is a major thing I want to work on, developing my points. This will probably require some extra research.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Free Write
Why am I always forgetting to do these papers. I am really hurting now. I know that you were setting this up to help us, but it beginning to really hurt me because I always forget to do them on the right day. I thought of a good way to do this writting assignment. You should have all three due at the end of the week, instead of one due every two days. That way, if I do forget one day, I can have a little bit of cushion for later. I think that that would make a big difference.
So, back to my thoughts on change. I have recently learned that one of the biggest tools to actually change is to just keep pressing forward. I have been studying change since july. I am a OB geek and I am always looking for ways to better an organization, or individual. If I can learn how to teach people to change, then it will be a lot easier to point them in the right direction for what ever they want to change specifically. I am hoping that by teaching a man to fish I won't have to help them change every little thing they do. I admit, this is more on the individual level rather than the group level. I am far more interested in the individual change.
So, back to my thoughts on change. I have recently learned that one of the biggest tools to actually change is to just keep pressing forward. I have been studying change since july. I am a OB geek and I am always looking for ways to better an organization, or individual. If I can learn how to teach people to change, then it will be a lot easier to point them in the right direction for what ever they want to change specifically. I am hoping that by teaching a man to fish I won't have to help them change every little thing they do. I admit, this is more on the individual level rather than the group level. I am far more interested in the individual change.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
T. A.
I would like to practice using verbs and nouns for my description, and adjectives and adverbs only when necessary.
Escape. My back numbs while my front thaws in front of the fire. The scene is picturesque. My closest friends tightly frame the fire and act as heaters for my frigid arms. Water is still dripping off our swim suits, yet the towels remain in the back of the car. The fire keeps everyone from going to get the towels, but even more than that, the warmth of the experience seems to pacify their discomfort. Everyone there has waited all year for these favored moments. It is tradition to jump into the glacier water in the middle of the night and then sit around the fire and swap funny, scary, and everything-in-between stories. I can’t imagine a better explanation of an escape from homework and stress. I look over the heads of those in front of me and watch the sun set behind the pine tree covered mountains in Montana. Everyone’s voices seem to be the soundtrack to my favorite show. Escape
I feel like this is becoming a redundant way that I write. I like that it is visual, but I think some readers would want to gag at how flowery is sounds. So, Professor Esplin, if you could give me feed back on how I can make this sound less flowery that would be great. Thanks
Escape. My back numbs while my front thaws in front of the fire. The scene is picturesque. My closest friends tightly frame the fire and act as heaters for my frigid arms. Water is still dripping off our swim suits, yet the towels remain in the back of the car. The fire keeps everyone from going to get the towels, but even more than that, the warmth of the experience seems to pacify their discomfort. Everyone there has waited all year for these favored moments. It is tradition to jump into the glacier water in the middle of the night and then sit around the fire and swap funny, scary, and everything-in-between stories. I can’t imagine a better explanation of an escape from homework and stress. I look over the heads of those in front of me and watch the sun set behind the pine tree covered mountains in Montana. Everyone’s voices seem to be the soundtrack to my favorite show. Escape
I feel like this is becoming a redundant way that I write. I like that it is visual, but I think some readers would want to gag at how flowery is sounds. So, Professor Esplin, if you could give me feed back on how I can make this sound less flowery that would be great. Thanks
Free Write
I am compiling a book of my family’s experiences. It is focused on spiritual experiences that they have had and it includes one experience from every brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousin, grandma and grandpa. It has been great reading these experiences and a pain trying to get my family to participate in this project. After a while I start to feel like I am being obnoxious and pushy, but it is something I really feel passionate about right now, and while I still have the momentum I need to push with all I have got.
It is interesting how much more effective we are when there is passion. Why can’t school be more like that? I love getting projects that I really love to do. Recently I have really started to love writing. I guess I have liked writing for years now, but I feel more driven to produce writing that will make a difference. I want to write in order to impact others lives. This is one reason I wanted to take the persuasive writing class. I have learned a ton on how to write better quality persuasive essays. It has been really fun, and it is also one of my passions.
It is interesting how much more effective we are when there is passion. Why can’t school be more like that? I love getting projects that I really love to do. Recently I have really started to love writing. I guess I have liked writing for years now, but I feel more driven to produce writing that will make a difference. I want to write in order to impact others lives. This is one reason I wanted to take the persuasive writing class. I have learned a ton on how to write better quality persuasive essays. It has been really fun, and it is also one of my passions.
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